


The Bridge in Black

by MiriamMT



Series: Gallavich FanFiction [14]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cutting, Depressed Mickey Milkovich, Depression, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher In Love, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Suicidal Thoughts, Terry Milkovich's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27031672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamMT/pseuds/MiriamMT
Summary: Ring Soulmate AUEveryone has a ring that tells them about their soulmate's emotions. Ian is worried about his soulmate who seems to be constantly sad or angry, until the ring one day turns black, which should mean, the soulmate is dead... he almost gives up hope to ever find his soulmate, but then he meets a special person on a bridge and stops him from jumping.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich FanFiction [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551802
Comments: 28
Kudos: 282





	1. Anger, jealousy, Bitterness, Tiredness, Hope, Lust, Love - it's everywhere, you just can't see it

**Author's Note:**

> Credits for this idea go to a " haylietheelusiveazurebluetrashie " who posted this idea (I think) on tumblr (I found it on Pinterest tho) 
> 
> TW: depression (described, but not inndepth); rape (only mentioned, no description of the actual action); self harm/cutting (the action is not described, only the result); abortion (also no deatiled description of the actual action)  
> \--> no graphic description of any of those 
> 
> Also, please note that I really tried to NOT romanticize depression. I'm possibly romanticizing the act of wanting to help a person with mental health issues. (But since 13RW im not sure if people always know that difference)

The magic had left our world millenia ago. Magical beings, creatures and items were destroyed, hunted down and eliminated.

People which had tried to bring back the magic were called crazy and thrown into psych wards. But a while ago, an elite group of believers managed to bring back a fraction of the magic.

At least, that's how they sold the rings.

Every baby that was born after the 3. Of October 1969 was born with a small silver ring on their fingers. It didn't harm their circulation system, it grew with the children.

Every ring had a name engraved in it and next to it a '&' symbol and a free space. The middle band of the ring wasn't made of solid silver but was made of a colour changing material.  
They looked like a fancy version of those cheap mood rings you could buy everywhere.

But you couldn't take them off, ever.

The engraved name was the newborn's name, even in case of a name changing the name on the ring changed as well. The free space belonged to the person's name the other ring belonged to.

They were believed to be soulmates.

If two people were soulmates and they met and confessed their love to each other, the other one's name appeared on the ring.

It has happened over time, that two people loved each other, told each other so, were even happy, but their rings never reacted. Some people made this hate the rings, others didn't give a fuck and got married anyway, and then found their soulmates in a second marriage.

But that wasn't the only special thing about the rings.

They changed colour according to the soulmates emotions. After years of research, most of the colours were assigned a meaning.

In the beginning, every ring was **white.** The rings didn't react until the people were 13.

**Red - Anger**

**Yellow - Happiness, energised**

**Green - jealousy**

**Purple - excitement ( it meant they were horny most of the time, but they didn't want to make it sound so dirty)**

**Grey - tired, exhausted, bored**

**Pink - romance, love**

**Brown - sickness, nausea**

**Blue - sadness**

The deeper and darker the colour, the stronger was the emotion felt by the soulmate.

But... when the soulmate died the ring turned black and fell off... turning into ashes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian was excited about the whole ring and soulmate thing, he was obsessed with it since he was a child. His sister Fiona didn't really care about it.

Fiona was busy raising Ian and his siblings, she had time for hookups, not for a whole ass soulmate relationship.

Ian's older brother Lip was also disillusionised about the whole thing. He was a teenage boy who wanted to have sex with teenage girls. He didn't care about soulmates. He didn't believe he could only ever be happy with that one person.  
\- at least that was what he told everyone when around 2 months ago his ring turned black all of a sudden and fell off his finger, turning into a pile of ashes on the kitchen floor.

Ian wondered who his soulmate could be. A boy from the neighbourhood? Or someone from a whole different city? Or even country?

He wondered, how he was ever supposed to find him. He hoped he lived in their neighbourhood, so it would be easier to find him.

Since he turned 13 he could always see how his soulmate was feeling. While Fiona's ring was usually yellow or purple, also grey, Ian's ring was constantly red or blue, even brown.

He was 17 now. He lay in his bed and looked at the ring... it worried him.  
It was constantly blue for two months now. Suddenly the colour changed - it turned to a deep, dark red.

Ian sat up in his bed and stared at the ring shocked. What could have made the other boy so extremely angry?

Lip was in the room too and looked up from his homework.  
"What? That ring again? Why are you so obsessed with this thing?"

"He's my soulmate", Ian answered like usual, "I worry about him."  
"You don't even know him."  
"So? We belong together. And one day, we will be together."  
Lip just scoffed at him.

"If you ask me, you should stay away from whoever this guy is. Seems to have a lot of anger issues... and probably depression."  
"Once we've met, he will feel better. And not so sad anymore."

The colour of the ring changed again. Now it turned brown.

"Brown?", Lip asked.  
"Nausea", Ian mumbled, "What do you think happened to him? Is he sick and got angry because of that?"  
"Either that or he hit his head against a wall out of anger and now has a concussion. Who cares? Do your homework. Because unless your soulmate is a millionaire, you're gonna need that high school graduation more than you need him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few streets down Mickey Milkovich lay in his bed with a bloody nose and a pain pulsating through his head.

He had a fight with his dad a couple of minutes ago and it ended with him beating the shit out of him.

Mickey was coughing violently, he tasted blood and vomit in his mouth. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe away the pain.

This wasn't new.  
It was his entire life.

But lately, he started feeling worse about it than before. A few months ago his sister died.

She died because of an infection and sepsis after she had an illegal abortion... Mickey had tried to talk her out of it back then, not because he thought she should have the baby, far from it, but because he was worried about her safety. Because he had the feeling the illegal abortion in some dudes basement would end badly for her.

But Mandy kept a horrible secret which she only told Mickey the day of the abortion when he wouldn't let her leave the house.  
Terry, their own father, had raped her. Repeatedly, brutally raped her. And it was his baby which was growing in her, and which was growing for too long already to have a legal abortion.

And now she was dead. Because of Terry. ... because of Mickey.

Since she was gone Mickey felt insanely guilty... he felt angry at the whole world and his dad, but most of the time he felt... empty.

There was a huge, black emptiness inside of him, which exceeded the sadness that he was feeling. Since then he didn't care anymore how badly Terry beat him up if he killed him or not, and at the same time, it all, the abuse, his life, felt worse than it ever did before.

His eyes fell on the ring on his finger.  
Like almost every day it was orange.

Orange. Not light red or something, it was very obviously and very brightly orange.

Mickey had no idea what it meant. But he also didn't care.  
The whole soulmate thing was a joke anyway. A hoax.

A soulmate didn't protect his sister. While she suffered through so much trauma and death, the ring on her finger never ceased to be yellow for happiness.

Mickey didn't care about his soulmate, he doubted he would ever meet him anyways. He would probably die before he could ever meet him.

Yes, him.

That was Mickey's secret, that he told Mandy in exchange.  
He was gay. His soulmate had to be some guy who probably could do a lot better than him anyway. And even if he would ever meet him, his father would kill him for real if he ever found out about this.

If it would be up to Mickey, the soulmate would do his fucking fairytale prince job and find and rescue him out of this hell hole.

Not that Mickey couldn't handle a fight. He wasn't a princess that needed saving ... but with his dad? Mickey was scared of him. He could pick fights out of stupidity with his dad. Yes, he even confronted him with Mandy's pregnancy and death today. But he could never win against him. He could never be free from him. His whole life he would have to endure the fear of Terry trying to kill him - and it would only get worse if he knew he was gay.  
Mickey couldn't win this on his own.


	2. Black little Heart

Over the weeks Ian's ring turned darker. The blue went from a very clear navy blue, which was already very dark, to the colour of dark blue denim.  
When it was dark, the ring appeared almost black.

Ian was worried about his soulmate... he seemed so incredibly sad, no other emotion came through in months.  
He was afraid... afraid the man this ring was connected to was depressed... so deeply depressed that he would... kill himself. 

He woke up every morning, fearing the ring would have fallen off his finger and turned to ashes like Lip's ring did not too long ago.

Then it happened one day - Ian was in school in the middle of his english class. He was looking at his ring when the last shade of blue slowly left.

The blue morphed into pitch black.

Ian stopped breathing for a moment.

"No, this can't be", he thought to himself, "Not me too, not him"  
He bit his tongue to not start begging the ring to turn back blue out loud.

But... weirdly enough... the ring didn't fall off.

Ian stared at the colour, which was clearly all black, not just dark blue anymore, it was completely black. There was no doubt... his soulmate was dead.

But it still didn't fall off. Ian tried to pull the ring off his finger, but like usual, it wouldn't budge.

At lunch break, Ian ran once across the school to find his brother.

Lip was currently trying to get a date with Karen Jackson.  
"Tonight, around 9 by the L?", Lip suggested with a smirk.

"Lip!", Ian exclaimed when he was only a few feet away. He ran to him and grabbed his shoulder, "Lip! Something happened! I don't know what it means, help me!"

Lip looked at him confused, "Shh, fuck Ian, calm down! What happened?"  
Ian swallowed hard and showed his ring to Lip.

Lip scoffed, "Not the ring again. I get it, the love of your life whom you never met is depressed. Big deal."  
"No, look!", Ian insisted, "It's black" 

Lip raised his eyebrows and looked at Ian's ring. It really was black, he even held Ian's hand directly under a lamp to be sure it wasn't just the darkest blue.

"It's black.", Lip agreed, "But it didn't fall off?"  
Ian shook his head, "And doesn't come off either! What does this mean? Is he dead or not?"

"Maybe he's in a coma", Karen said, "I once read that a dude fell into a coma and his wife's ring turned black even though he wasn't actually dead yet."

"In a coma? Fuck, how am I supposed to find him now?"  
"Maybe he wakes up from the coma again at some point, the ring has colour again and then you can find him", Karen shrugged.  
"You're into this whole soulmate thing, too, huh?", Lip asked.

Karen shook her head, "I don't really care. And anyways, we're still young, what am I supposed to do with a soulmate? I'm gonna spend my time fucking handsome guys."  
"Oh, so she said no to you asking her out?", Ian joked in Lip's direction.

Lip scoffed, "Fuck off, better care about your comatose soulmate."  
"Don't be so bitter about the whole thing, Lip. Just because you won't ever meet yours, doesn't mean you can't be happy", Karen smiled at him.

"I don't need to meet mine. I don't even want to", Lip said and crossed his arms, "So are we going out tonight or not?"  
Karen smiled, "Sure."

Ian sighed and stared down at his pitch black ring. He knew Lip was lying. Lip didn't give zero fucks about his soulmate and he was certainly upset that he wouldn't ever meet her... Ian didn't want to end up like him. 


	3. A lonely Bridge at Midnight

Some months passed.  
Ian just turned 18. The ring on his finger didn't change its colour once.

It was almost midnight, Ian was walking around the neighbourhood. No reason, no direction.  
Before he was lying in his bed, tossing and turning, not able to find sleep, so he decided to just go outside and start walking.

It was a dumb idea, really. The south side is not exactly safe, especially not at night. Especially not for a gay kid.

He didn't pay any mind to where he was going until he suddenly stood in the middle of a bridge.

It was cold outside, they were well into autumn. He walked down the bridge when he noticed another person.

Someone was sitting on the railing of the bridge. Now, this really wasn't safe at all.

The bridge he was standing on was almost famous for the number of people who committed suicide here over the years.  
A person was sitting on the railing in the middle of the night in the cold autumn wind?  
Something was wrong. 

Ian walked up to them until he could place his hands on the wide stone railing. The person next to him was a young man, around his own age with dark hair.

"You're not planning to jump, are you?", Ian asked.  
The guy flinched as if he had just now noticed him.

"What do you care? Keep walking."  
Ian turned to him when he recognized the voice, "I just wonder... Why would Mickey Milkovich jump down from a bridge?"

Mickey turned his head to him.  
Ian was working in a small convenience store after school and Mickey came there almost every week, he never bought anything though. He took his stuff and just walked out. Sometimes he gave Kash, the owner, a black eye on the way out.

"That's not any of your business."  
"Probably not. But it's unexpected. I mean, scary Mickey Milkovich... offing himself? Off a bridge and not with drugs at that?"

"Leave me alone, Ian... from the store."  
"Gallagher", Ian said, "It's Ian Gallagher. And I had a really shitty week, I really don't want to watch someone jumping from a bridge today."

"Then keep walking."  
"I can't. Now that I know that you're probably gonna jump as soon as I'm gone, I have to stay here and make sure you don't."

Mickey bit his bottom lip, "Why do you care?"  
Ian shrugged, "Come down there, Mick. Come on, I'll treat you to some burger and fries."  
"Now why would you do that?"  
"So you don't jump today."  
"Maybe I won't jump today", Mickey mumbled, "It's not the first time I'm sitting up here. So far I never jumped... would be interesting if I'd finally do it the night someone tries to stop me."

Ian put his hand on Mickey's arm, "Don't. Come with me. Let's get you some food... I'm sure you're cold."

Mickey nodded, "It's fucking freezing."  
"Yeah, let's go, let's warm you up. Get some greasy, hot food in you. Maybe you'll feel better then."  
"I doubt it", Mickey mumbled, but he sighed, carefully turned around climbed from the railing.

When they stood next to each other, Ian noticed for the first time how small Mickey actually was and right now, in the middle of the night, close to killing himself, he looked even smaller and less scary than usual.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian found a small cheap diner for them. They sat down and Ian ordered them some burgers and fries.

When Ian finally saw Mickey in the bright diner light, he was almost shocked.

Mickey had a black eye, scratches on his cheek, dark shadows under his eyes, his black hair looked dull and out of place and his skin looked paler than usual and somehow... waxy. As if he was already dead.

"So... will you tell me why?"  
Mickey looked up at him and even his blue eyes seemed dull and foggy, but not in the drugged kind of way.

"No", Mickey stated and started playing with his ring nervously, he looked away from Ian again.

Mickey's ring was a deep orange.  
"Orange", Ian thought out loud, "What does that mean? Never heard of it."

Mickey looked at his ring and shrugged, "I don't know. It's like that most of the time. No idea what it means but they're feeling it a lot. Do you care about that stuff?"

Ian nodded, "I do. I would like the whole soulmate meeting, true love thing. It sounds nice."  
Mickey shrugged, "Whoever it is, they're better off without me anyway... what about yours?"

Ian bit his lip and pushed back the sleeve of his jacket, which he instinctively always wore to cover his ring.

"Black?"  
Ian nodded, "But it didn't fall off. I guess... he's in a coma or something. Dead but not really dead. I don't know", he sighed.

"They do show feelings. The rings. Maybe your soulmate is feeling... dead. Like he's already dead, just functioning, feeling nothing just a deep black fucking emptiness... No room for emotions."

Ian looked at him with slightly parted lips... wondering if this was what Mickey felt like... fearing that his soulmate was so unhappy that he was suicidal, that it was that what the ring meant.

Mickey cleared his throat, "Just something I read once. Soulmate rings of psych ward inmates often turn black, I heard."

"Have you ever been to a psych ward?"  
Mickey shook his head, "No. Even if I would belong in one, it's not like people around me would care enough to put me into one."

"I think, if you really are on that bridge all the time and think about jumping... you should get some help."  
"I don't need help. Or a shrink.", he rubbed his arm uncomfortably, "I just want to be alone."

Ian sighed and shrugged, "Sucks to be you then. Because I'm not letting you alone. Not if you're gonna jump down a bridge as soon as I do."  
"It sucks to be me one way or another. And you can shove your whole fairytale prince rescue mission up your ass. I don't need some ginger Gallagher spawn to annoy me. I have enough problems of my own."

"Have you ever thought, that I maybe want to help you... that I'm worried about you?"  
Mickey looked down at his burger which was still untouched. 

"Eat", Ian said.  
Mickey chewed on his bottom lip and then broke off a piece of the burger and ate it.  
"It's good, isn't it?"

Mickey shrugged.  
They sat and ate in silence for a while.

"What I wanted to say", Ian mumbled, "I'm sorry about your sister. She was in some of my classes, she was nice."  
Mickey didn't answer. He felt like he had to throw up the burger again if Ian kept talking.

"How did she die?"  
Mickey swallowed hard, "I made a mistake", he whispered, "Don't ever talk about my sister again, you hear me? I may not be in shape, but I will burn your house down if I have to."

"Okay", Ian said simply, "I'm sorry I said something about her."  
Mickey stared at the almost empty plate in front of him with empty eyes.

Ian took a deep breath, "How about... you come back to my place for tonight? I don't want to leave you alone and... if you're sleeping with me I can make sure you make it through the night."

Mickey raised his eyebrow, "First you tell me your soulmate is a guy, which means you're gay, and then you invite me to sleep with you? Subtle." 

Ian chuckled, "I didn't mean it like that"  
"No, Of course, you didn't.", and even though he didn't get a smile from Mickey, Ian felt like he got the hint of happiness, even playfulness that used to be part of Mickey's personality before he turned into this depressed mess that sat in front of him.

Ian laughed lightly, "I admit, I wouldn't mind having you in my bed for any reason. But in this case, I really meant the sleeping with the closed eyes and the being unconscious. You can also sleep on the floor next to my bed if you're feeling safe then. But I wouldn't recommend the couch. I would recommend going to your home even less if that's where you got that from", he pointed at his own eye, referring to the dark bruise around Mickey's eye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Mickey woke up from the sound of a closing door. He sat up in the bed and looked around confused.

He wasn't home.  
His first instinct was to sigh relieved before wondering where he actually was and why.

To his right, next to the door, was a bunk bed, with only the top bunk. On the other wall was a smaller bed with a small, black toddler in it.

Then Mickey looked down, in the bed next to him lay Ian from the store.  
The memory of their meeting on the bridge last night came back to him slowly.

Right, he went home with him because the obnoxious teenager wouldn't leave him alone. 

He was on that bridge all the time. And yes, he wanted to jump. Like he wanted to jump all the time. But he didn't know if he would have actually done it... after all, he didn't all those times before.

Mickey reached down for his pants. He should leave before the rest of the family saw him. He didn't want to get anyone's attention in this house.

"Mickey?", a tired, scratchy voice came from next to him. Mickey flinched and quickly took his hoody from the ground, he was only wearing his t-shirt. 

"Are you going somewhere?", Ian asked.  
"Home", Mickey mumbled.  
"Already? Don't you want some breakfast first?", Ian sat up and rubbed his eye, then looked at him tiredly. 

"No", Mickey whispered, "Thanks for yesterday, I'll stop bothering you now."  
"Mickey... you didn't bother me. If anything I bothered you."  
"True...", he looked at the many golden freckles on Ian's face, "But I only minded half as much as I usually would have."

Ian smiled at him. Mickey nodded and wanted to put his hoodie on when Ian suddenly caught his arm and turned his wrist to him.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, both shocked but for different reasons.

Mickey ripped his arm away from him and put his hoodie on, pulling down the sleeves.

He didn't look at him while getting up and leaving the room.

When he was halfway down the stairs, he heard Ian following him, downstairs he caught his arm again, but this time he held it gently and looked at Mickey's face.

He pushed a piece of paper into Mickey's hand.  
"You can call me whenever you feel like you don't want to be alone, okay? Or even if you want to be alone but know you shouldn't.", he stepped closer to Mickey, "You can always come to me."

And he didn't let Mickey go until he gave him a short nod. 


	4. Hopelessness

Ian didn't expect Mickey to take him up on his offer.  
He hoped he would, but he didn't really believe in it.  
For a week he lay awake at night and wondered if Mickey was on the bridge again.

After school on a Wednesday, Ian was at the store like usual. Kash was annoying him like usual too.

When he was 15 he had started an affair with the 40-year-old married store-owner. He knew very well they weren't soulmates, it was a silly crush and lots of daddy issues that had let him to fuck the man in the aisles between butter and snacks.

But a little over a year he got tired of him. But unfortunately, Kash wasn't easy to get rid of.  
He didn't pressure and force him to have sex with him with any sort of violence. He had the puppy dog eyes and the pleading and the pouting and then he made him feel bad with his go-to guilt trip phrase:  
"You're young, you don't get it, Ian, in my culture and my generation ... I had to marry a woman, this way with you is the only way I can ever be truly happy"

It was bullshit, Ian was aware of that. They both just used each other.  
Kash used him to have a good, young lover and Ian used him for sexual relief and free food and presents.

Kash wanted him right now, while Ian was restocking some cans with beans.  
"Kash leave me alone, not now. I have a lot on my mind."  
"I can take your mind off things, I'm sure.", Kash whispered.

Ian shook his head, "Go to the register Kash, people might be coming in."  
Kash grumbled something and let his hand trail down Ian's arm, but luckily the bell above the door ringed, signalling a customer.

Kash quickly went back to the counter and Ian kept putting the cans away, he heard footsteps coming in his direction.

They stopped right next to him, Ian looked up surprised and almost let the can fall out of shock.

Mickey stood in front of him, he had his hood pulled deep into his face, Ian couldn't see a lot of his face, lying in the shadow of his hood, but what he saw was blood.

"Mickey", Ian gasped and pulled him further into the store, he pulled him to the freezers and pushed Mickeys hood down.

Mickey had scratches on his cheeks, a bloody nose and forming bruises on his eyes.

"What happened to you?", Ian whispered while getting some frozen peas which he gently pushed against Mickey's face, "Sit down", he said and pointed at a small ladder which they used to stock the high shelves.

Ian went to the First Aid kit, getting weird looks from Kash. He quickly came back to Mickey and started treating his wounds.

"Since when are you the one ending up like this after a fight?", Ian whispered, "Usually you leave Kash like this."  
Mickey barely reacted, he just hissed when Ian touched the wounds.

He cleaned the scratches and put band-aids on him.  
"Do you want the plain ones or the ones with Mickey Mouse?", Ian smiled at him.

Mickey just stared up at him annoyed.  
"I'll use the Mickey Mouse ones then"  
Ian was surprised when Mickey really let him put on the Mickey Mouse band-aids.  
Ian grinned down at him admiringly.

Mickey pulled the hood back up into his face.  
"Are you okay?"  
Mickey nodded.  
"Okay, any injuries below the neck?"  
He expected Mickey to answer with some 'you just want to see me shirtless' but he didn't seem to be in the mood.

Ian put the First Aid kit back and Kash quickly came over to him.  
"What are you doing with him?"  
"I'm just helping him."  
"Helping? He is robbing the store"  
"Not right now. Go back."  
Kash mumbled something insulting.  
"Hey, I'll blow you when he's gone, how about that?", Ian asked.  
Kash now made wide eyes at him and nodded.

Ian smiled and then went back to Mickey.  
"Can you do me a favour?", Ian whispered to Mickey, "Could you stay until my shift is over?"

Mickey looked up at him confused.  
Ian looked back to check if Kash heard them, then looked at Mick again, "Please"  
Mickey shrugged and nodded.  
"Thanks. You look cute with the band aids by the way"

After the shift, Ian and Mickey left the store under Kash's angry glances.

"So, Mick, do you want to come home with me? You can get some dinner and sleep at my place again."  
Mickey shook his head.  
"Mick...", Ian sighed, "I don't know who you're trying to fool, but I know that this", he pointed at his face, "Happened at your home. I'll bet my paycheck that it was your dad. I don't want to let you go there."

Mickey shrugged, "I'll find a place to sleep"  
"Where? Under the L?"  
"Homeless people are crazy inclusive."  
Ian sighed, "No, you're coming with me. You came to me when you needed help. You're not done with needing my help yet."

Mickey shrugged, "I just had a headache, it was the first place I could think of."  
"Is your head okay? You could have a concussion."  
"No, I had a few of those already."  
Ian nodded, "Sure. Yeah, I'm not letting you leave, you're coming with me."

Mickey didn't have enough energy to argue with the headstrong teenager, so he went home with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian and Mickey sat on Ian's bed.  
"So, your dad really did this to you?", Ian asked quietly.  
"You said it yourself, I wouldn't end like this after a fight with anyone... except my dad."

"But... what happened?"  
Mickey shrugged, "He was in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood. I was in the way or I breathed too loud. I don't know. He's ticked off so much quicker since Mandy...", he swallowed and couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, instead he cleared his throat and looked down to Ian's ring.

"Still black, huh?"  
"Yeah, I doubt that it will change any time soon."  
"If you think you're dealing with a coma patient, why don't you go to the hospitals to look for him?"  
"Do you know how many people are in comas? Besides, I don't even know if he is even in this city."

"But you know when it turned black. I'm sure not many people your age fell into a coma on that day."

Ian shrugged. He didn't believe in the coma story anyways. He was afraid, Mickey was right and his soulmate was just... kind of dead inside. He was so sad all those months before the ring turned black. He was probably depressed and suicidal... Ian would probabaly never meet him.

"And yours?", Ian asked.  
"Still orange. Still no idea what it means. Still don't really care."  
"Everybody cares at least a bit. I mean, this person is supposed to be your one true love."

Mickey nodded, "And if I would really love them, I'd let them go. Soulmate or not, everyone can do better than me. Look at me, I'm a fucking mess.", he shook his head, "It's pointless. I will probably be dead before I meet them anyways. It's just hopeless, and honestly, so is probably yours."

Ian shook his head, "It's not completely hopeless. Do you want to see what hopelessness is?"

Ian got up from the bed and went to the desk where he opened a drawer and then a secret compartment within, he pulled out a small glass vial with grey dust inside.

"This is hopelessness", Ian announced and sat down across from Mickey again, "It's the ashes of my brother's ring. His soulmate is dead, she died before he could ever meet her and she ain't coming back, she isn't in a coma or depressed. It's completely hopeless... he says he doesn't care but... if he didn't care, he wouldn't have kept it, right?"

Mickey took the small glass vial from him, "Probably true. This dust would sell well on the black market, if he didn't care, he would have used it to pay your gass bill for the year. Same with this", Mickey gave the vial back, he put his hand into his hoodie and pulled the thin leather necklace around his neck out. On it was a soulmate ring.

"You got two?", Ian asked confused.  
"It's my sister's. I wear it because my dad would sell it if he could get his hands on it. Most of these best ups I'm getting are because I don't give it to him."

Ian looked at the ring and it's a light yellow colour.  
"I wonder how her soulmate can still be happy. I mean, he has to know that she died. I couldn't be happy."  
Mickey shrugged, "Its always been yellow or purple. A typical teenage boy. When she died it turned blue for like a day, that's all... so, he didn't deserve her anyways."

Mickey bit his lip and shut his eyes to hold back a tear, he quickly put the ring back into his hoodie and Ian put the ashes back into the secret compartment.

"I appreciate that you talk to me about your sister, Mick... I know it's a hard topic for you."

Mickey chewed on his bottom lip, "Now you owe me a personal topic."  
"Do I?", Ian chuckled.  
"Yes. So... you're still fucking that pedo from the store?"

Ian bit his lip, he sat back on the bed and gently touched the Mickey mouse band-aids, "This looks really cute on you, you know?"

"So you do still fuck him."  
Ian took his hand away again and cleared his throat, "How do you know about that?"

"I'm robbing the store for years and I have two eyes in my head."  
Ian shrugged, "I had a crush on him when I was 15"  
"Sorry, come again, you were only 15 when you started having sex with him? Dude that's... that's more than fucking illegal, that's disgusting! What's wrong with that dude?"

Ian shrugged, "It was me who seduced him, really. It's just... I don't want to anymore and he kinda guilt trips me back into it every time. But I need the job, so", Ian shrugged.

"So? Fucking so? That dude belongs in the can where he can get raped by the other inmates, they don't take well on child abusers."  
"I wasn't a child."

"You were 15. I remember what you looked like with 15, you were basically a baby. Fucking hell, those pervy grown up fucking men fucking teenagers - making my fucking blood boil!", Mickey ranted and Ian avoided looking at him, he absentmindedly played with his ring when he suddenly noticed it - red colour broke up the black like thin lighting bolts. Coming and going, like an angry heartbeat.

Ian looked at Mickey again, he was still ranting about pedos and the red still pulled through the black.  
Finally, Mickey just panted heavily and fell back on the bed. And the red was gone. The ring was pitch black again while Mickey rolled on his side and put his hands on his ears.

Ian lay down next to him confused. Mickey's face was scrunched up, his eyes were closed like he was in pain.

Ian gently pulled Mickey's hand from his ear.  
"Are you alright?"  
Mickey nodded weakly, "I'm fine... do me a favour, yeah? Don't sleep with him again. You just said you don't want to anymore, so if I hear he made you do it again though, I'll have to kill him."

Ian smiled lightly, "You won't have to kill him. You can beat him up though if it makes you feel better."

Ian absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over Mickey's hand and then over his wrist, which caused Mickey to flinch. Ian sighed when he noticed him flinching and he pushed the sleeve up.

Red lines. Some just on the surface, some deeper. Some older, some bigger, some thinner, and a few fresh ones.

Ian decided to not make a comment about them, he pulled the sleeve back over Mickeys wrist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This happened a few times over the course of 2 months.

Mickey came to the store with new injuries. Ian helped him, Mickey stayed at the store until Ian was finished and sometimes Mickey came home with him.

Once, he came to the store, the front door was locked and Mickey already knew what that meant. He simply went around the store, picked the lock to the back door and went into the store that way. He could hear Ian and Kash going at it. Mickey almost threw up. When the two came back from behind the shelves, Mickey sat on the counter. And then Mickey beat Kash up so he looked as bad as he did. After this Kash went into hiding from Mickey.

Today, a few days later, Mickey was at Ian's place again. 

They sat on Ian's bed and Ian told him about his day. Mickey liked this. He enjoyed just listening to the Gallagher. Not having to think about himself, busy listening to what he was saying, seeing him smile.

After Ian was finished with his stories he lay down next to Mickey, who always called dips on his soft pillow.  
Ian looked at him smiling lightly, he looked down at the black ring and played with it for a while, then looked up at Mickey. 

"I want you to stay with me. Here. At least for a few weeks. You're not feeling good at your home and you're definitely not getting better."

Mickey looked down at him surprised.  
"Ian-"  
"I'm not accepting a 'no'. I'll tie you to the bed if I have to... Mickey, I... I saw the new cuts. I don't know why you're doing it... I don't know how you're feeling and why... but I want you to get away from your dad. And you would be safe here... I would know you're safe as long as you're here."

Mickey looked down to avoid Ian's eyes.  
"Why do you care so much?"  
"Because I like you. Because you're my only friend."

Mickey looked up at him, into his eyes, he took a deep breath.

"It's my fault", he whispered so quietly, Ian almost didn't understand him.  
"Your fault? What is your fault?"  
"Mandy.", he raised his arm, "She's dead because of me."

Ian looked at him with slightly parted lips. He never expected Mickey to tell him the reason for the cutting or his depression or talk more about his sister than he had to. He watched as thick tears started rolling out of Mickey's eyes.

Mickey Milkovich was crying.  
In front of someone else.

Ian gasped lightly and then quickly pulled Mickey into a hug on the bed.

"I'm sure it's not", he whispered.  
"It is", Mickey sobbed, "I should have stopped her. But I didn't."

Ian still had no idea what actually happened to Mickey's sister. But whatever it was, he knew, Mickey couldn't be responsible. He loved his sister too much for that.

"I'm sure you tried to help her as best as you could, Mick. You never wanted anything to happen to her... it's not your fault. Whatever happened, you didn't do it."

He felt Mickey pulling him closer to him while he cried quietly into Ian's shirt. Ian looked at his ring and he could see blue lightning bolts breaking up the black now... then grey, red, orange all flashed through the black in wild, thin lines all over the place.

And then, even the colour pink broke apart the black for only a moment.

And Ian was sure that Mickey was his soulmate.


	5. The Story of the Bridge

Mickey stayed for around 6 weeks.  
Somewhere in between, after Ian refused to have sex with him for good, Kash left the city with another man.  
Mickey hung out at the store all the time with Ian until Linda got annoyed with him and said "If you're just sitting here and distracting the only employee, you could at least help out" - so Mickey ended up with a job at the store, working while Ian was at school.

Ian's siblings didn't talk to him a lot.  
They talked a lot to each other, they basically never shut up. But they ignored Mickey, which he really didn't mind he didn't want to talk to them.

It was the end of week six.  
In the afternoon the Gallagher kids sat together with Veronica and Kevin, the neighbours, in the kitchen.

"I think he just moved in. Ian never asked us if it's okay, he just dragged him home like some stray and let him stay here", Fiona told V annoyed.  
"And what are they doing?"  
"I don't know. They're just locking themselves up in the boys' room and they sleep in one bed."  
"Are they boyfriends?", Kevin asked.

"Ian is gay, sure, but Mickey Stinkovich? I don't think so.", Veronica shook her head, "If you ask me, something else is going on there."  
"Lip thinks, Mickey is blackmailing Ian. But would they be sharing a bed then? And it looks like Ian actually likes him.", Fiona said thoughtfully.

"I don't mind him", Debbie said, "At least he's quiet and doesn't tell us what to do unlike someone else's boyfriends"  
Carl nodded, "I think he's cool. I heard he and his cousin once beat up a guy so hard, he has to drink his lunch through a straw until today"

Fiona shook her head, "Hear that? Nobody wants to have someone like _that_ in the house. It's just a question of time until he kills us all in our sleep."  
"Fi", Kevin rolled his eyes, "I don't think he's so bad. He used to come to the bar a lot before his sister died, for a Milkovich, he's almost civil."

"You don't have to live in one house with him. He is here for 6 fucking weeks already. Another mouth to feed, another one to use up the warm water - I bet Ian is tired of him too by now. He just wouldn't tell him. I just want him gone"

Veronica wanted to say something when they heard the front door being thrown shut loudly. 

The Gallaghers looked at each other surprised.  
"Shit, was Mickey still here? I thought he was at work", Fiona whispered.  
Debbie and Carl stood up and ran to the door and out on the porch, but Mickey was nowhere to be seen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian came home after his shift at the store. It was Mickey's day off but he actually planned to come to the store for Ian's shift to keep him company (he also didn't like being in the Gallagher house by himself) - so Ian was, of course, worried when Mickey didn't come.

In the living room sat Fi with Kev and V. In the kitchen Debbie and Lip, who was home from college for a weekend, cooked dinner. Ian went upstairs into the boys' room. But Mickey wasn't here.

"Mickey?", he called through the house, no one was in the bathroom either. He went downstairs again, "Hey have you seen Mickey?"

Lip shook his head and Debbie just bit her lip. Ian went to the living room.  
"Fiona, do you know where Mickey is?"

Fiona and V exchanged a look before Fiona looked at him and cleared her throat.  
"He... left."  
Ian blinked a few times confused.  
"He what?"  
"He left. We thought he would go to you."  
"No, he didn't come to me. What do you mean he just left?"  
Fiona shrugged, "It's not like he tells me where he is going or why he is somewhere."

The front door opened and Ian hoped Mickey would come back, but it was just Carl.  
"I looked for him everywhere I could think of, but I can't find-", he noticed Ian standing by the sofa, "Oh, hey, Ian... 'Sup?"

"'Sup? I'm asking you that. What have you done? Where is Mickey?"  
"Well, funny story", Fi said, "We were just talking about him today and, well-"  
"Fiona said she wants him gone, he heard it and ran out.", Debbie summarised.

Ian stared at his big sister.  
"You what?"  
"I was just talking to Kev and V, I thought he was already gone"  
"So? What is your fucking problem? He didn't do anything wrong. Could everybody on this fucking planet quit treating him like shit for 5 fucking minutes?!", he yelled through the house while leaving the house and throwing the door shut as loudly as Mickey had done before.

It was really fucking cold outside, snow was covering the sidewalks. Ian could picture in his head how Mickey would jump down that fucking bridge and land on the thin ice on top of the river, break through the ice into the cold water where he would drown and freeze to death.

He couldn't lose him now.  
This man was his friend, he felt responsible for him, slowly fell in love with him and to top it all off, he was probably his soulmate.

Ian ran the way to the bridge, on the way he almost slipped a few times and eventually really slipped and landed on the cold hard ground, a sharp pain went through his knee and his cheek.

He pushed himself off the ground again and kept running. He was out of breath and panted heavily when he reached the bridge. On the other side, almost in the middle, stood someone.

He could recognize that it was Mickey from miles away.  
He walked up to him, slower now, to not startle him. 

Mickey didn't sit on the bridge railing like usual. He just stood there and looked down at the water.

"Hey", Ian said softly.  
Mickey turned to him, a street lamp illuminated his face and Ian could see new bruises and scratches on his face.

"What happened to your face?", Mickey asked and Ian touched his own cheek and hissed.  
"I slipped on my way here.", he mumbled, "What are you doing here?"

Mickey shrugged, "I think it's time I go home, Ian. I've been at your place for long enough."

Ian shook his head, "You don't have to go home. I know my siblings said some stupid things, but Mick, I want you there with me."  
Mickey bit his bottom lip and looked down at the water again.

"I just don't want you to get tired of me.", he admitted.  
"I could never get tired of you."  
"Oh yeah? I live at your place, I sleep in your bed, I work at your store. We are always together, everyone would get tired of this at some point"  
"Are you?", Ian asked him.

Mickey bit his bottom lip, "No", he mumbled, "But I don't want to cause you any trouble."  
"Since when do you not want to cause trouble? That's literally what you are known for", Ian chuckled.  
Mickey looked at him, "yeah, but I don't want to cause _you_ trouble."

Ian smiled at him, "You aren't.", he raised his hand and gently touched the new injuries on Mickey's face, "But you fucking worry me when you just leave like that. I mean, look at you, you were gone for a few hours and you have a black eye again."

Mickey shrugged, "Because I was gone for so long, I couldn't help my dad moving some meth the way I was supposed to. This is just the punishment."

Ian sighed sadly and leaned against the railing next to Mickey, "Why are you here again? Do you still want to jump?"  
Mickey shrugged, "That's not why I'm here.", he mumbled, he looked thoughtfully at Ian for a moment, then turned to his other side where some candles in those red funeral candle glasses and flowers lay.

Mickey took one of the candles and put it in front of him.  
"My mother died here", Mickey whispered.

Ian looked at him surprised. He put a hand on his shoulder compassionately, "I didn't know she was dead. I heard she ran away."

Mickey nodded, "She tried to run away once. From my dad and the beatings. But dad hunted us down, dragged us back and beat the shit out of her. She knew there was no escaping. So she chose the only way she could ever be really free from him."

"She jumped from the bridge?", Ian asked quietly.

"She planned to. She also didn't want to leave Mandy and me with Terry, our other brothers were already too brainwashed. She took my sister and me and went to the bridge with us. She put sleeping pills into our juice bottles. I didn't drink a lot of mine yet, but Mandy was asleep. She wanted to make us sleep, throw us from the bridge and jump herself. But my dad found out. He and the police came here. Mandy was leaned against the railing, there", he told the story as if it just happened yesterday and pointed a few feet down the bridge, "They reached her and took her away while my mom made me drink the rest of my juice. When she noticed we were surrounded, she pulled me against her and went towards the bridge backwards. She didn't want to let me go, she didn't want to go back to Terry... she was screaming at the cops...", he let out a shaky breath, "And then they shot her. She let go of me and fell from the bridge. I had some of her blood on me. We were not allowed to cry about her once. Dad would beat us if we did."

He took a deep breath and looked down at the water.  
"That's why I always come here. It feels like... I should have died here so many years ago. This should be the place I die no matter when. So I always came here thinking... maybe I lose balance and fall, maybe some shitheads come and push me down, maybe I just find the courage to jump.", he shook his head, "Nothing ever happened, well, until you came."

Ian smiled at him softly. He gently kissed his temple and Mickey turned around to him.  
"Sometimes it just feels like all the good people in my life are leaving me.", he whispered, "my mom, Mandy..."

Ian nodded and cupped his cheeks, "But I won't ever leave you, Mickey. You stay with me and I won't leave and maybe, one day, you can feel better and be healthy and happier. I'll do my best to help you, I promise", he whispered and stroke his thumb over Mickey's cheek.

An instinct following, Ian leaned down to him and kissed him softly. Mickey gasped lightly when Ian's lips touched his.

After just a few seconds, Ian pulled back and looked Mickey in the eyes.  
It was like they communicated without words now.  
After a short moment, Mickey now wrapped his arms around Ian and kissed him again. Ian smiled and kissed him back.

They separated after several minutes.  
Ian glanced at his ring. It was still black, but now a thin pink line went through it.

Ian smiled at him, "Let's go home, yeah? I'll talk to my siblings.", he whispered and gently kissed Mickey's forehead.


	6. HOPE

At home, the family had waited with dinner.  
Ian and Mickey sat down at the kitchen table and Ian gave them all a piece of mind. He demanded better treatment towards Mickey and that they could have Lip's room since Lip was at college most of the time anyway and when he was here he could very well also use Ian's old bed (actually it was Frank's bedroom but he wasn't there one way or another).

Mickey was very silent throughout the whole thing, they eventually agreed that Ian and Mickey could have their own room but Mickey would have to chip in with the bills like the rest of the family.

In the evening Ian and Mickey lay in the bigger bed, in their own room.  
"Way better, isn't it?", Ian said. Mickey closed the door and nodded, he turned off the lights and hesitantly came to Ian in the bed.

"We sleep in your small ass bed for weeks, then we kiss and you suddenly demand a bigger bed?"  
Ian smirked, "It's more about the room without children being able to watch us from the sidelines. We can still sleep as closely together as we did in the small bed.", he scooted closer to him and put the blanket over the both of them.

Ian pecked Mickey's lips, Mickey put his hand on the back of Ian's head and pulled him into a more passionate kiss.

Ian wrapped his arms around him and pulled him on top of him automatically.  
A knock on the door disturbed them.  
Mickey pulled back and lay down beside Ian, who sighed and told the person to come in.

It was Fiona, who stuck her head into the room, "Hey, do you need another blanket?"  
"No, Fi. Thank you. Good night."  
Fiona looked form one boy to the other and shrugged, "Okay. Good night"

Fiona left again and Ian sighed. He looked at Mickey again and leaned over to him, he gently kissed one of the scratches on his cheek.

"Do you want to keep going?"  
Mickey looked up at him, "Maybe when there are fewer people in this house"  
Ian chuckled and kissed another scratch, causing Mickey to flinch and mumble "Stop that"  
"Maybe they'll heal quicker if I kiss them."

"You can be so stupid sometimes", Mickey said and even smiled, "I'm glad you always drag me back here."  
Ian smiled and kissed him again, "Of course. Next thing you know I'm gonna drag you to a shrink so you can become all healthy and happy again."

"And who is gonna pay for that? No, I'll... do that on my own. I'll get better.", he promised.  
Ian smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Okay. Good night"  
Mickey kissed him again, "Good night", he turned around and Ian cuddled up to Mickey and looked at his ring.

Through the black with the pink ring, flashed yellow now. Yellow lightning bolts danced through the black, breaking it up and pushing it away slowly. When the colours calmed down, and Ian could hear Mickey breathing steadily in his sleep, what was left was a deep blue colour with the pink line going through it.

Dark blue. Not black anymore. Ian held it under the light of his cell phone to be sure. Blue. He was still sad, still depressed, his life was still messy ... but it wasn't as dead and empty as before anymore. This blue meant, Mickey could get better, he could become happy again. Ian was sure, it meant Mickey thought there was hope.

There was hope.

And the orange was slowly lifted from Ian's ring and yellow and pink danced with each other instead.


	7. Forgiveness

Several months later. 

It started to get warm again outside and Mickey and Ian could sleep with an open window after having steamy sex in the evening.

Ian would graduate soon and was busy studying. Mickey tried to not bother him and instead bonded with his younger siblings. Especially Liam.

It was late when Mickey said good night to the 5-year-old and went to his and Ian's room. He kept himself fall on the bed where Ian lay on his stomach, still going through his notes.

"Ian, come on, it's late if you didn't get that shit 'till now, you won't for the rest of the night either trust me."  
Ian nodded, "I'm almost finished."  
"Okay, I'll go get ready for bed."

Mickey went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came back he took off his shirt and threw it on Ian.

The Gallagher chuckled and started to put his school stuff away.  
He waved Mickey to him and kissed him.

They kneeled on the bed across from each other, Ian ran his hands down Mickey's arms and sighed happily.  
"What?", Mickey asked smiling nervously when Ian didn't say anything.

Ian stroked his thumb over Mickey's wrists, "Nothing. I'm happy with you."  
"I'm happy with you too. Happier than I've been in a long time."

Ian kissed him again and traced his hands over the chain Mickey was wearing around his neck with his sister's ring.

"You never told me what happened to her. Why you feel so guilty."   
Mickey bit his lip and sat down on the bed leaning against his pillow.  
Ian sat down next to him, "You don't have to tell me. But I would appreciate it if you did."

Mickey looked at him for a long moment and then nodded softly.  
Mickey took off his pants and pulled on Ian's shirt, so he took it off and Mickey put it back on himself, then he pulled the blanket over his body, "Turn the lights off"

Ian nodded, turned off the lights and took his pants off too, then he lay down beside Mickey. 

They lay there for a few minutes in silence until Mickey sighed deeply.

"Mandy was pregnant.", he whispered, "She noticed it too late. She couldn't get a legal abortion anymore... so she looked for someone who would do it illegally. And she found one... some shady ass dude in a shady ass basement... I told her... not to. I asked her not to do it. I knew it wasn't safe. I told her it wasn't safe...", he bit his bottom lip and grabbed his ring, "But she needed that abortion. She couldn't have that child, not even to put it up for adoption... it would have been so fucking traumatic for her...", he scrunched up his face.

Ian soothingly rubbed his hand over Mickey's arm, "Why? What was with that pregnancy?"

Mickey swallowed hard, he couldn't look at Ian anymore, "My dad", he mumbled, "He... he raped her."

Ian gasped shocked.  
"After she told me that... I couldn't bring myself to stop her from getting that abortion. I knew it would kill her to continue that pregnancy... I even... drove her to that dude's basement... held her hand during the procedure...", he swallowed hard, "And I was right... it wasn't safe, she got an infection. Sepsis... then she died... she was sweaty, feverish... barely talked... I tried to give her drugs to keep her calm and ease her pain, but... she died... because I... because I didn't stop her from getting that abortion."

Ian hugged him closely.  
"It's not your fault, Mickey. Not your fault. If anything, it's your dad's fault and that dude who did the abortion in a dirty environment. Not yours. You did what you thought was best for your sister, Mick."

Mickey started crying lightly and Ian pushed him closer to his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The Gallagher hadn't been able to sleep the whole night. He couldn't forget the awful story Mickey had told him.

Terry raped his own daughter.  
Mandy couldn't get a safe abortion because she was already too far along.  
Mickey was so torn between trying to keep his sister from possibly getting sick from unsafe abortion and trying to save her psychological torture from having to carry her father's rape child.  
And one way or another Mickey would feel guilty.

And Mickey felt so guilty he cut his own skin, he started fights with his dad ending up with bruises and concussions, he considered throwing himself off a bridge.

The next day, Ian pulled Mickey out of the house before noon, which was very early for Mickey.

"Where are we going? I didn't have breakfast yet... and it's almost lunchtime. Ian, it's lunchtime, can't we get some food before we're going wherever we're going?"

"Later, you hobbit.", Ian smirked, "I'll treat you to some pancakes."  
Mickey smiled at the thought of pancakes, already forgetting the playful insult.

Mickey didn't pay any mind to where they were going until they entered a cemetery.

"What... what are we doing here?"  
Ian pulled him behind the cemetery wall and took both his hands.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what you told me yesterday. You see, I am 100% sure that your sister's death isn't your fault... but what I think isn't that important, Mick", he ran his thumb over Mickey's knuckles, over the soulmate ring which was orange again.

"No matter if you would have stopped Mandy from having that abortion or not, it would have ended badly for her either way. Maybe both would haven even ended in her death. And in neither situations it's your fault... and she wouldn't blame you either, would she?"

Mickey bit his bottom lip, "No she wouldn't", he whispered. He knew Mandy wouldn't blame him, Mandy only ever blamed their father.

"No, she wouldn't. She loved you like you loved her. So... Mick, you need to forgive yourself. Okay? You can't ever get really better if you don't forgive yourself.", he said and kissed his knuckles, "Where is her grave?"

Mickey hesitantly pulled his hands back and started walking across the cemetery.

Ian followed him until Mickey stopped in front of two graves. Mandy and his mother.

Ian took his hand in his.  
"It's not your fault", Ian repeated, "You need to forgive yourself. You couldn't rescue her, but there was nothing you could have done."

Mickey looked at the grave, he sobbed and took a deep breath.  
He nodded, "I did everything I could to help her... I did what I thought was best for her."  
"Yes... yes, you did. It was her decision to have an abortion."  
"It was her decision, I tried to support her the best I could... I wish it would have been enough." 

Ian looked at him compassionately and then down to his ring, which was dark blue as usual, but Mickey's ring was hot pink.

"I miss her", Mickey whispered.  
"I know. It's okay to miss her. But I'm sure she wouldn't want you to hurt yourself or be depressed... months ago, when we got together, you told me you will get better. I'm convinced you're able to get better. You can't if you're busy guilt-tripping yourself the entire time... I'm always here to help you."

Mickey nodded, he turned to Ian and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, looking at him seriously.

"I love you"  
Ian smiled down at him and put his left hand on his cheek, "I love you, too"

Mickey smiled relieved and Ian leaned down to kiss him.  
When they separated again Ian looked at his ring and noticed that the engraving on it changed to ' Ian & Mickey '

Ian smiled and held his ring in front of Mickey's eyes.  
Mickey looked at the ring surprised and confused, he looked up at Ian and back to the ring.

"You look very surprised", Ian mumbled and kissed his forehead, "Didn't you think it would be me?"  
Mickey shrugged, "I didn't think I'd have that much luck."  
Ian smiled, "My little Hobbit, you deserve at least a little luck. I'm very lucky to have you and now you can be sure that I will never leave."

"If you call me Hobbit one more time, I-"  
"You won't do anything", Ian grinned and wrapped his arms around him, "You love me, so I get to call you whatever I want", he booped his nose against Mickey's, making him chuckle, "Hobbit."

Mickey grumbled something and then kissed him.  
"So, let's get you something to eat, huh?"  
Mickey nodded, "Finally a good idea.", he looked at his sister's grave again and smiled thankfully at it for a moment, "You said you would buy me pancakes"

They left the cemetery.  
"Hey... I was wondering since you're my soulmate and this ring showed me your emotion... what the fuck does orange mean? Is your hair colour an emotion now?"

Ian laughed and shook his head, "If anything, I was just really fucking worried about you ever since my ring was constantly blue and red. If you ask me, orange means worrying and fear..."  
Mickey looked at him, "You were worried about me before you ever even knew me?"  
Ian nodded, "Of course I was. I knew I would love you someday, I worry about people I love."

"You're a big sap. But I already knew that."  
"You love me for it though. Because you secretly love being spoiled and cared for. Now, let's buy you some food, my hobbit."


	8. It didn't know what to do with that feeling; Happiness

A few months later. 

Mickey lay on his and Ian's bed while Ian was studying for being an EMT now that he graduated high school. Mickey was pretty content with his work at the store, helping out Linda and keeping the store from getting robbed.

He was looking at his sister's ring he was still wearing around his neck.  
The ring was yellow and purple most of the time, but right now it turned blue. He bit his lip... he had a theory about this he's been meaning to check for a while.

Mickey got up from the bed curiously and walked down the narrow hallway, when he passed the boys' bedroom, he noticed the door was slightly open and he heard a sigh.

Mickey carefully opened the door and found Lip lying on Ian's old bed. He was looking at the small glass vial with the ashes of his ring.

Mickey was looking at Mandy's ring and then at Lip again.  
Lip noticed Mickey standing in the room suddenly and gasped surprised, he sat up and hid the vial under the blanket.

"What do you want?", Lip asked.  
Mickey shrugged, "When did she die?"  
"Who?"  
"Your soulmate. Your ring. Ian told me about it."

Lip shrugged, "Last year... in March."  
"Which day of March?"  
"What do you care? Do you want to rub it in that you're Ian's soulmate? Congratulations, you found true love and only will fuck one person for the rest of your life. Go plan your wedding and leave me alone."

"Which day?", Mickey just repeated.  
Lip sighed, "26. Around dinner time if you want to know the details."

Mickey nodded, he sighed, "You know, you can act like you don't care all you want, but if you wouldn't care about the soulmate thing, you would have sold those ashes."  
Lip just shrugged in response, "How is that any of your business?"

Mickey stepped further into the room and took off his chain with Mandy's ring, he held it out towards Lip.

"It's my sister's ring. She died last year, March 26, at 6:37 pm."  
Lip blinked at the ring with an open mouth.  
"Take it. If you won't sell those ashes, I doubt you'll do anything to this either."

Lip swallowed visibly and took the ring from Mickey.  
"I met your sister a few times in school", Lip admitted, "She was very beautiful... funny, smart, she rejected me when I asked her out."  
"Milkoviches aren't the going-on-dates type. Ask your brother", Mickey said, "I'll leave you alone then."

Lip nodded while looking down at the ring.  
"Hey Mickey, just so you know... I'm actually really glad that you and Ian... ya know, found each other."  
Mickey nodded, "Thanks."

Mickey left the room again and went downstairs where Ian was studying at the kitchen table. Mickey kissed his cheek and Ian smiled up at him.

His ring was yellow.

Mickey, of course, wasn't fully healed, his depression wasn't magically gone, some days were really hard.  
But right now, being with Ian and being able to kiss him, he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End  
> Thank you for reading 🥰  
> I'm working on something BIG right now. I'm not saying it will be up anytime soon, also bc UNI starts Monday again. But for the people under you who like to read actual longer fanfiction that are written as such, you'll like it
> 
> Happy Halloween 👻 I'm off also having only a downsized Halloween with my best friend. She's gonna bleach my hair, I make Dumplings for her and we're gonna watch an Austrian Horror Movie 🖤🖤  
> Also, I made Toffiffee by myself (do you know those in your countries? Idk where they're from originally) I'm gonna have a look if they taste okay at all 😅


End file.
